Well, I don’t really have much to say right now. Mostly because I’m tired from last night. Well I feel that everything is falling into place (everything I can control anyways) and am slowly but surely building myself up. I have a wonderful job that I actually feel happy going to, a wonderful boyfriend, a nice house, everything is getting there. I am still stressed, but it’s not as bad as it was two years ago. I just have to keep trying to meet my goals. It’s hard but it will be worth it in the end.
So I just finished getting my password setup again since it has been so long. I’ve decided to start blogging again. I need to get things off my chest that keep me up and sadly since it took so long trying to get my password set up I am now tired and I am in need of sleep since I work in the morning. I will do a fresh one tomorrow and rant and rave and all that jazz. Talk to you tomorrow.
Again, laying in bed, thinking. Thinking what I can do to make my life better. Thinking what I should take out to make it more bearable. That’s life, you never know what’s going to happen. What sacrifices you have to make, I make them everyday. That doesn’t mean it makes it any easier. I have decided I will need to be alone, to live alone before I know what I want. When the time comes, it will be the first time I will ever actually be alone. And that, my friends, terrifies the hell out of me. I can’t wait.
So, I’m lying in bed, thinking of how much an asshole you are and you don’t deserve much of anything. You can go on about I’m the worst person, how I didn’t love you enough, didn’t treat you well enough. Well, here’s the thing. I didn’t cheat, I wasn’t abusive, and I threw myself in front of my boys enough times and I hope to God someone is doing that, now. You are scum and you will not silence me. I have kept my peace enough times as it is. My boys (yes, I emphasise the word my) deserve the world and the very best. I will never claim to be the best parent in the world (no one should), but I know one thing damn sure. I have always put them first. You are manipulative and abusive, and you will stop for nothing until you get your own way. I don’t want my own way, I am not a toddler throwing a paddy, I am mature enough to understand things never go quite to plan, but my kids mean the world to me and they deserve the world. That’s better than someone blatantly using them to take in the benefits. I know a lot more than you think. No, I am not slating your good name. That would imply that you would have had a good name in the first place. It may take some time, but I will build a great life for them and I will be in their life once again. Because I have news for you, darlin’. You have no control or power under the law. Good luck, you’re going to need it.
I have now moved, so no more £850 a month rent and no more big house to clean every second of every minute of every hour of every day. It’s a shame though, it was a nice house.
Either way, I now live with the ex now as I had no where else to go. It isn’t ideal, but it will have to do so for now until I can go back home. I’m now focusing on sorting myself out for then and I need to get stuff out of storage that shouldnt of gone there in the first place. It’s a bit a of a mess but hopefully it will get there
Well, a lots been going on in my life since I last posted on here.
First of all, I’m getting a divorce. Its a sad thing, but because the seperations keep on happening and it effecting the kids, plus adultery and abuse on the other half, it can’t go on. So I went ahead and filed for divorce.
After the divorce is final, I’m hoping to move back to America to be with my family which should provide some support for myself and for the kids. I’m hoping in the long term goal is to finish my GED and go to college/university. I’m hoping to study to be a psycologist. The way people think and how their past experiences made them who they are, always interested me. Plus, I would like to help people who have been in the similar situations as myself.
I have to apply to get the kids passports which is gonna cost a bit of money as well as time, but I’m hoping to get there. There’s a lot of documentation that I need to present so I will need to get all of that together.
What I’m trying to do at the present time is move. The house, even though it is really nice, is too expensive for me to afford alone an unemployed wage. Negotations are in the process and I’m hoping it will be sorted soon as my only option is to move in with my estranged husband, which I’m not overly keen to do, but will do it to keep my kids from being homeless.
I’m hoping the divorce will be sorted soon, I have been told that my estranged husband has a list of terms that he would like me to abide by in order for me to obtain full custody of both the children and go to America. One of them being; changing from my married name. I am not over the moon about this. I was at first, but after speaking to my mom (who has kept her married name) she told me that she wouldn’t like to do that because its like she was never married and just had two kids. My opinion was quickly changed at that point, because you know, she’s right. Its like a history of my life who has lead me to being the person I am today has been erased. I’m not sure I would like to fight for the last name and give up going to America, but I’m not happy to be treated like I can be erased. Apparenlty it’s his name (who knew you could own a last name?)
Anyways, I’m hoping to start writing a book. A book that talks about what I’ve been through and hopefully will help other people that have been through the same things. Because you know, international marriage is a bitch when you’re getting a divorce.
So tired today. Can’t wait for the weekend so I can relax both kids are in bed and Ethan is back sleeping good hours and he’s not sick anymore! I’m going to clean extra hard this weekend. The house gets messy so easily! Hopefully that will change, I need to be more organised! Roll on weekend!
So my mom went back to the US today. I’m all sad, I didn’t do much today. I am homesick and wish I could of just taken the boys and went with her, but nothing is ever that easy. It was a nice two weeks, though. I just hope it doesn’t take another two years to do it again. I’m hoping to get everything sorted so I can live there with the boys, but it’s going to take a lot of work to do that so fingers crossed.
Just have to keep positive and make it happen
Dont have a lot of time to write on here, but I’ve decided I need to continue blogging as it helps with my sanity lol a lots happened the last few days, but I’m going to be string fir my babies’ sake. Love my family and thank you so much for supporting me through this difficult time
My goodness, I’ve been too busy lol
Well, it looks like we finally get to move from this hell hole I’m so excited I could slap a random stranger in the face! We’re moving to a 4 bedroom house and getting a few new things as our stuff is getting old. We need a new bed, fridge freezer, vacuum cleaner and a few other necesities. Years and kids have kinda made our things a bit more useless. Hoping that all of our finances can be in check and then I will start shopping.
Among other news…Ethan still refuses to walk lol He can actually stand up by himself now without pulling himself off, but as for walking…not a chance. I keep trying to persuade him to, but he finds bum shuffling/crawling much quicker. One of the nursery workers suggested to get him some hard bottom shoes to help him walk so its not too soft. My oh my did he scream and throw a fit. He hit his feet and kicked and screamed until I finally took them off. Not so good, but I figure if I keep trying he will get used to them in no time.
Kyle’s getting much better at his sentences so much I am proud. Yesterday, he actually asked for a bath! He actually climbed in like a good boy and actually didnt’ want to get out in the end! I was so suprised. My little boy is growing up it even makes me teary just to type about it :'(
Well, I have to go for now, more busy things to do, talk later!